Kickers, Inc. Issue Guide #2

Issue 4:
Cry Vengeance!

This episode in the lives of Kickers, Inc. began several months after the team's last escapade, right before the Smasher's first exhibition game. Looking for his jock strap (?), Suicide Smythe walked in on Jack, who was working out with over a ton of dead weights, trying to exhaust himself; you see, Jack felt that if he played tired, his 'edge' would bring some challenge back to the game.

Questioning the common sense of this, should his 'edge' either wear off or he suffers some serious injury in his tired state, Suicide left Jack to his own devices. Soon after, Jack joined him in the locker room, where Coach Kirby had some bad things to say to the team, as coaches typically do to psyche up their players. After that was done with, the game was on!

Playing on their home turf, the Smashers were up against the Austin Wreckers, a team of rather surly ball players who tried to use intimidation to disorient their opponents. The Smashers didn't fall for this, though they didn't account for the team's unbridled savagery and rules-bending, and their linebacker in particular, one 'Ugly' Mack Thornton, was a force to be reckoned with.

On a late tackle after a Smasher touchdown, the man managed to injure one of the Smasher's new kids, one Billy 'Hawk' Hawkins, an injury that turned out to be a permanent one. When the Wreckers started laughing over this, Jack lost his cool and went after Thornton, though he got thrown out of the game as a result. This didn't help Jack's mood any, either... he was fuming.

Weeks later, Jack was still having bad dreams and episodes of anger regarding the incident, which wasn't helped any when, on the practice field three weeks later, Jack was given a mysterious message, in the form of a football burst with a bullet from on high! He didn't figure out that that was what happened until later, however, when he received another message in his locker.

A message from Fist himself! Jack tried to downplay the incident when Brick Wall discovered the little Smashers 'voodoo doll', but the man insisted the Kickers talk about it after they left their locker room. Heading to a rock and roll bar with Dasher Corbin and Suicide Smythe, Jack and Brick Wall talked about the mess, and agreed not to tell Darlene about the mess, so she wouldn't worry.

That night, Jack noticed that Dasher was having issues of his own regarding guilt over Billy's injuries, and with some of his usual charismatic talk, he managed to bring the man out of his funk - if not his own. As the Smasher's next, regular season game against the Wreckers drew near, Jack was contemplating some payback against 'Ugly' Thornton, though Darlene tried to talk him out of it.

Again, though, the Fist's threats were clouding his judgment, causing him to continue his fuming. Eventually going for a drive to clear his head, Jack went to the Kickers, Inc. building, where he found Thornton's file, which his secretary had acquired for him a week or so ago. Reading it, he actually managed to put a face on the life of the man he wanted to kill, which caused him to drop his rage.

Jack still planned on getting even, though. Sending Thornton a message that ticked him off upon his arrival in New York City, Jack tricked the man into heading to a nearby gym, where he demonstrated his superior strength and ability to 'Ugly', mostly in an attempt to scare the snot out of him - which was essentially the same bullying tactic the Wreckers use against their own opponents.

It worked, though. That next day, during the Smashers - Wreckers rematch, Jack was on the man like an angry freight train, smashing him again and again until he could take no more. Almost irrational with fear, Thornton begged for mercy, though Jack said it wasn't him that 'Ugly' needed to beg to, but Hawkins, who was sitting on the sidelines in his wheelchair.

Quitting the field right after a terse apology, Thornton fled the scene, never to play football again... and Jack didn't have to resort to murder to achieve his goal, either... made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, you know. After the game, feeling rather good about himself, Jack found that he was no longer scared of Fist, for when the man left yet another calling card, Jack simply shrugged it off.

Having dealt with their football duties for the time being, the Kickers were ready to take on some more oddball, paranormal mysteries... paranormal being the operative word, for three days later, the Kickers, Inc. telemarketers received a curious call from a small child in Wisconsin, who claimed that his mother had been missing ever since she was checked in to a 'special' hospital...

Issue 5:
Freaks are for Fighting!

After an action-packed splash page, we join Darlene 'Doll' Magniconte as she manages affairs in the Kickers, Inc. call center, going through various calls the facility had received. Most of them seemed rather mundane, save for several U.F.O. sightings near Pittsburgh (possibly due to Ken Connell's activities), though before Darlene could make any decisions, she was nabbed by Jack!

Giving her a big bear hug, he was quickly admonished for manhandling her in the office, and after apologizing, the two got to talking in Jack's exercise room. There, Darlene told Jack about the call the center received last issue, and how much she wanted to help the little boy. Of course, without receiving a call from one of the kid's parents, there wasn't much that the Kickers could do...

Meanwhile, in a Wisconsin trailer park, we find seven rather odd paranormals going about their daily business, mostly the makings of grilled burgers and such for lunch. After the meal concluded, one of the paranormals, Stephanie Harrington, described how horrid she felt about not being able to talk to her kids, since her husband was keeping her from doing so - he was scared of her paranormalcy.

When yet another attempt to get through fails, this time due to the interference of her mother in law, Stephanie is only encouraged by her pals after they tell her about Kickers, Inc., a group of 'paranormal investigators' who help people that have no one else to turn to. After taking their call, and dealing with their duties as New York Smashers, the Kickers made their way to Wisconsin.

Listening to the stories of the seven displaced paranormals, the various members of Kickers, Inc. talked about it in private later that night, and eventually agreed on a course of action. While Darlene talked with the ladies of the bunch, the rest of the Kickers made their way to the Clinic that the seven paranormals were so afraid of, and talked to the head of that place, one Philip Nolan Voight.

There, the four football players were bamboozled by Voight's superior wit (and of course, his assistant's psychic powers), and were made to believe that the seven displaced paranormals they were trying to help were highly dangerous. Remembering that Darlene was hanging out with them, Jack blew a gasket, and after grabbing his fellows, made for their trailer park hideout at breakneck speeds!

Insane with worry about his wife, Jack confronted several of the paranormals there, and when he couldn't find Darlene amongst them, he got belligerent. This quickly escalated the situation, and before long, the male members of Kickers, Inc. were involved in a nasty brawl with the displaced paranormals - a brawl which, incidentally, they managed to lose - a lot.

When Darlene returned from a walk with the three females of the paranormal bunch, she saw Jack in a dreadful state, and naturally freaked out herself. Of course, Stephanie managed to use her healing powers to put Jack back together, though before everything between the two groups could be ironed out, the seven displaced paranormals bugged out, expecting Voight to send more thugs after them.

As they left, Darlene berated her teammates for their testosterone-filled ways, and vowed that even though the Kickers lost this fight, they'd ultimately help the kid that first got her involved in this case. That next day, she sent the guys after Stephanie's husband, and once they found him, Jack and the guys told the man that he would let Stephanie talk to her kids - or else they'd be back.

Meanwhile, Darlene herself talked to Stephanie's kids, and let them know that even though she couldn't see them, since she was on the run from the Clinic's goons, she still loved 'em and all that. She also reassured them that their mother could now talk to them on the phone, since her teammates had dealt with their dad, and that everything would be fine from there on out. It was almost a happy ending...

Untold Tales of the New Universe: Kickers, Inc.
Kickin' It in Hell

We begin our tale in Hell itself, watching Jack Magniconte and friends during their potentially eternal torments. But how did our heroes get in this predicament, you ask? Pazuzu and Balkenzarik, our diabolical announcers at the Infernal Stadium, relay the origins of Kickers, Inc.'s woe. It all began when the team was summoned to help a young girl who claimed her sister fell into a portal whilst practicing witchcraft.

Promising to rescue the girl's wayward sister, the team leapt through the portal, only to find it much more intense than described. At that point, Professor Jordan began to gloat at them from the other side of the dimensional doorway, standing alongside the girl who they came to help in the first place. Realizing it was a trap, the team tried to get back... only to be split up by Hell's machinations.

Jack was faced with his wife, Doll, who seemed to be tempted away by a non-super-powered version of himself. Brick Wall was tempted by lustful delights until one of his new 'friends' turned out to be his mother. Dasher and Suicide were horribly merged into a singular entity. It looked bad for the team, at least until Jack's dead coach came to him and gave him a pep talk to help him get over his Hell-inflicted funk.

Rallied, Jack snapped Brick Wall out of his terror by knocking out his apparent mother - though it was only a demon impersonator. Once he was squared away, the two split up to collect the others, with Jack pulling his wife out of a make-out session with a demonic doppelganger of himself, and Brick Wall collecting Dasher and Suicide - though this was easy, since they were (literally) in the same place.

Facing down the guardian keeping them out of the doorway home, Jack charged through its body, burrowing a horrible hole through Sephelchuris Krosk, allowing Mr. Magnificent and his friends to make it back to the earthly plane. Enraged, the team pitched Professor Jordan and his strange accomplice through the portal, causing them to face down the same threats that they were forced to endure only moments ago.

As the two villains cried for help and/or mercy in the distance, the five members of Kickers, Inc. tried to recover from their ordeal. Dasher and Suicide were luckily returned to their usual, individual selves (though their 'break up' caused them both to be ill), and the rest ruminated on the horrors they'd seen in that realm of torment. Meanwhile, the two diabolical announcers implied that things would go badly for the team soon...

Note: this nine-page story was a sequel of sorts to issue 3, wherein Professor Jordan strikes again to gain vengeance upon those meddling football players in Kickers, Inc. Where precisely it takes place in the Kickers, Inc. chronology is somewhat up for grabs. You see, it has to occur after issue 3 (of course), but before issue 9, as it refers to Jack being the quarterback of the Smashers - and he got canned in issue 9.

The folks currently responsible for the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe have placed this tale after issue 5 of the regular series, and after a thorough read-through of it and all twelve issues of Kickers, Inc., nothing stands out as contradicting this (as was the case with the Untold Psi-Force tale). As such, we'll be placing it at this point in continuity as well.

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